Don't Be That Guy at the Ballpark

There are many annoyances at sporting events that everyone complains about. If you don't want to be one of the complaints, don't do any of these things. Side note: This applies to everyone. Even those who aren't repeat offenders.

• Don't be that guy who...screams every time a ball goes foul, particularly if it goes way foul. That's not necessary, unless it hits you on the head. Relax, we all know the ball was hit, there's no reason why you should start bellowing about it.
• Don't be that guy who...talks excessively about their personal problems or anything else not related to the game that no one could care less about. Pay attention to the game. No one wants to hear about your personal life.
• Don't be that guy who...is constantly standing up to cheer or complain about calls. This doesn't mean you can't stand for home runs or impressive plays, certainly not; but when nothing very important is happening or you disagree with an umpire's call, there's no reason to stand up and scream about it. The umpire isn't going to hear you, and if he did, he wouldn't overturn the call, so why does it matter?
• Don't be that guy who...curses loudly during the entire game, regardless of the people in the seats surrounding him or the repeated warnings before the game not to use expletives. Foul language is absolutely not needed, particularly at a public place where children are typically all around. Besides, cursing is rude. Save it for Twitter.
• Don't be that guy who...pretends to know everything about the team, the sport, a player, etc., because it's not impressing anyone. You just look like a know-it-all.
• Don't be that guy who...heckles the players rudely and loudly. We get it. You don't like him. Sit down, keep it to yourself, and let everyone else enjoy the game.
• Don't be that guy who...says "Stay-men". It's Stammen. Two m's. No "ayyyyy". Got that?
• Don't be that guy who...touches the ball while it's still in play. Let the ball girl/boy get the ball so that you're sure it's actually foul. You wouldn't want everyone to hate you for messing up a play, would you?

Now, take my guidelines and don't do any of those things, lest you risk looking like a doofus.